Thursday 7 February 2013

Marriage for all!

When I got married it was because my husband wanted to.

Sure I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him, still do, but I didn't think that I needed to be married to do that.  In fact I had a massive ambivalence to the whole institution, wrapped up as it is in the patriarchy, ownership and assertion of privilege over the week.
I wished. briefly, that there was a heterosexual civil partnership- devoid of the symbolism and the baggage of marriage.

Then we got married and it was, is, magical and wonderful.  The act of choosing to stand in front of all these people you love and care about and saying "this is it," is meaningful, not least because of all the baggage that comes with the idea.  The cultural expectations of marriage give a relationship legitimacy in the eyes of others- my husband and I had known each other less than a year when we got married, but as soon as we said "I do," no-one questioned our sincerity, our love.

So it seemed imminently sensible to want everyone to be able to get married and enjoy the benefits of indulging  a concept that comes with centuries of acceptance and expectations.  Civil partnerships don't have the baggage of the patriarchy its true, but they also didn't have the same social expectations and support.  It wasn't right that we should be relegating part of society to a less socially supported institution   My only criticisms of the new bill are that it doesn't go far enough.

Marriage should be for everyone in a relationship with a consenting adult.  There is no reason that groups shouldn't be able to get married and enjoy the legal and social benefits other than prejudice.  I hope in my lifetime to see marriage recognised for everyone, but I'm not holding my breath.
I also think that the religious exemptions for the CofE and Church in Wales are properly ridiculous.  But then so does the only vicar of my acquaintance...

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